WHAT IS PRECIOUS?

What is precious? Let me think. Hmmmm……Diamonds, sapphires? Or from my sister’s mouth, it could be her ATM? My darling daughter has a different answer though. Kids are so creative and fundamental that they sometimes end up teaching us the more valuable lessons that we tend to forget as we get on with our busy hard erring lives.

Sometime ago, I was travelling with my daughters in a train. In some way they always look forward to a train journey much more than any other. The mention of it brings in the fervor in them, to gear up for the expedition. Mind it, it does sound like an expedition and nothing less.  It means lots of munching, surplus play time and of course unremitting attention from us. And like each time they were all set with their whole assortment of colours, drawing books, stationery, story book, clay etc. for a mere 4 hour journey.

They particularly prefer the ‘red’ train (Rajdhani) to the blue one (Shatabdi); the reason being the super attractive upper berth to play on. Suhaani insisted to climb on to play with her sisters. While I rose to push her up, her dismayed look to see her crayons fall off her lap, was quite a sight. And like as if the most meticulous girl, instantly and painstakingly she picked them up all and caressed them to carefully handover to me. I was only left wondering if those were her most prizest possession and contemplating in astonishment as what exactly precious was I carrying in my handbag.

I only felt amused at her diligent and insufferably precious performance. I was happy. One coz she was learning to take care of her things on her own and valuing the littlest and most inexpensive things too. But more so coz I learnt to appreciate what precious really is. Not my money, house or jewellery but the real riches that lie deep within your soul and that can never be taken away.

I think its incredible to observe how she collects her little toys, her clips and a few other knick-knacks each day and arrange them like there is nothing more dear in this world.  She will find so much fun in exploring her new toy taking pleasure in the entire discovery. What I feel is that this art that children have is remarkable.

I am sure this is the fairer truth of life what my doll is chasing day in day out and not what we adults are. We consider gold and jade to be precious treasures, but we let pass the little things which bring us true happiness. At this point I cannot resist to mention what happened last week.  While I was away to my friends place, Suhaani my new teacher, who persuaded to stay at my aunt’s place for that time, went missing without anybody’s knowledge. I panicked and rushed back to find her. I was in the gush of emotions of so many ‘what ifs?.’ What if she is picked up by someone? What is she is hurt by a car? Within a span of one minute I can’t imagine the things my mind visualized. Next I broke down wondering how I would do without her. I know I was over reacting but found it impossible to hold. Unexpectedly, I get a call from home saying that she has reached back home on her own. God bless. Wow! She is just three and did she really walk back a kilometer to reach home safely?  I was angry at her, relieved for she was safe and honestly a little proud that she knew how to take care of herself. Even though I had decided that I won’t talk to her when I reach back to make her realize how inappropriate her action was, nevertheless I hugged her too tight not letting her go for almost an hour. I certainly understood how invaluable she meant to me; probably much more than anything else in this world. And then I knew who to thank for all the little miracles in our lives. – the precious shield of God that guards us well in all the darkest valleys that we must traverse. “Life becomes precious and more special to us when we look for the little everyday miracles and get excited about the privileges of simply being human”

THINK ABOUT IT

I would love to share this one. Now a days, whenever I meet my friends or family, a much preferred discussion topic always is that how am I managing to be sane with three little kids around when on the other hand most of them are finding it hard with just one? Honestly, like I already mentioned I would not be complete without even one of them; leave alone feeling hassled. After having raised them for five years, I sense that each contributes a little to make a WHOLE ME.

When my intimates and associates ask me this, I am not sure if they are mocking at my fortunate destiny to have a handful of children or they are envious of my non-complaining look or they are trying to compliment me. I certainly do not have an idea but I definitely never feel the need to explain or respond to their inane query.

But here is one thing I always wanted to say. No matter how difficult it is to raise a child; no matter how barmy it gets, we must not state this remark over and over again, at least not in front of them. Just imagine how we would feel if our parents or friends even faintly stated that in front of us.  Our children are too juvenile to understand anything now but soon they will begin to and it might be depressing for them to know so.

Lot of you might argue that you never implied anything seriously. I also know none of us ever mean to tell our child that he or she is unwanted. We happen to say it just like that. That is precisely why I want to talk about it and tell you that its not nice to hear that not even as a joke.

Read this: ‘I wonder how exactly do I do it but I guess I really trouble my Mom because I have seen her telling her friends that she is quite relieved when I am off to school for four hours. And even though I look forward to holidays so much, she is always concerned as to what exactly will she keep me busy with. I just don’t like it.’ These are the words of my daughter’s friends.

I was quite upset and realized how such a little thing pinched her.  In her formative years, this has a long role to play. It is in fact disheartening to hear such words from your own parents especially in front of anybody else. So, when children grow up demanding their own space and no interference, I think we now know how and where it all started.

There is one more unique thing about the contemporary parenting.  A few have postponed the decision to have a second child indefinitely for the sake of convenience. Amid being a qualified professional, proficient house maker and a perfect mother, it does get very difficult. I agree. However, we fail to see its significance. Though fate didnt give me too much time to think on those lines but I am so grateful that I did not.

When I see the three of them playing together and commanding me to stay out of their fun pursuit, I do not feel burdened. I feel happy; Happy to know that my child is attached to her siblings much more than me. It only gives me enormous satisfaction and delight. Chit-chatting, role playing, story-telling, screaming, yelling and then suddenly a bear hug and affection right after a combat as if nothing had ever happened; it all seems like a fantasy world. A world that I, being an only child, thought existed merely in fairy tales.

I cherish to know that this bonding can exist solitarily between them and no matter how much I try, my company cannot be as amusing, dynamic and entertaining as their own sisters. And when they grow up, I can imagine how well they will take care of each other too. Its touching to see how Suhaani ensures that Ananya does not forget to wear her belt to school; And how Ananya helps to keep Pallavi’s pencils in her box so that she is not scolded in school; And how Pallavi ascertains that Suhaani  finishes her homework on time. Woah! Did I think, all of that was my job?  

So, what I intend to imply is that don’t be so self-absorbed. Don’t leave out the idea of another offspring simply because you will find it more convenient to complete only one homework than two; Or because it suits you more to feed one and put her to sleep than a set of two.; Or because it is less stressful to cope up with the tantrums of a single child than the double act.

It is a vital choice. Look at it this way that we are depriving our own child from privilege of having a kin and also ourselves from the pleasure of raising a younger child. It’s a totally different experience and worth every sweat. As for your space, individuality and fatigue, I have only one thing to say. Even though it is exhausting for me to program their essentials each day, I still feel so pleased and satisfied to see my daughters valuing my efforts so much. I think it’s incredible. This makes me feel like an achiever and gives me a re-assurance that no other work in this world can give me this ecstatic joy.

A HUG IS ALL I NEED

Over the years of rearing my little ones, I realized that they are no more new born tiny tots whom I can fuss over. They are young individuals already at the age of four. They understand, react, feel and go through same set of emotions that we do;  only in a bit more animated way. My daughter Ananya helped me recognize that while I try to instill the right values in her, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she will do that right away and it is as simple for as I tell her.  She needs a little time like we all do when handling a new situation. So this come straight from her heart through my words.

A HUG IS ALL I NEED……….

After you drop me to school

I might miss you , I start to weep

School is essential;

I also intend to Agree

But I despise all your preachings that precede

I feel sad and sometimes a hug is all I need

Once I lie to you

Coz I am afraid to tell you my deed

It is unruly behaviour

I understand what you teach

But I don’t like you scolding, I do not pay heed

I feel sad and sometimes a hug is all I need

As I put across numerous inquests

About nature, people, cars and speed

I know I am peculiarly curious

 Your staying power exceeds

But I am gloomy to see my contentment unachieved

I feel sad and sometimes a hug is all I need

While I play to the core of my heart

And you put me to sleep

Only coz going to school is a must

You explain me to deep

But I dislike your discipline supersedes

I feel sad and sometimes a hug is all I need

When you refuse to get me my favourite  toy

Because of my mischief

I realize my mistake

Time after time, I go to extremes

But my apologies do not make you pleased

I feel sad and sometimes a hug is all I need

When I behave like a nag

Refusing to eat my meals

It is not about the taste;

 I just hate force feed

Still I push myself only so that you feel relieved

I feel sad and sometimes a hug is all I need

Mommy! Did I ever tell you

I may be stubborn and hard to concede

Juvenile but sharp, I plead

 Don’t make your suggestion as if a court’s decreed

Coz I also feel like you all feel.

As I grow up into an individual indeed

Sometimes, A hug is all I need.

WHY ME???

This Monday morning, I got a shock to find my car missing from the place I have been parking it for more than 5 years now. Still refusing to believe that it has been stolen, I spoke to my neighbours and tried to find out if it has been towed away by mistake. But no it wasn’t. It had infact been taken – actually burgled would be more appropriate.

 And while the truth sunk in, my mind asked WHY ME? Why my car? I have been always so careful to lock it each day. And I have never done anybody any wrong or sinful. Then why me?

Its when such incidents sweep you off your feet, you sit back and dissect all your good and bad deeds in trying to pacify yourself to emerge out of the situation. It is quite sad that we reflect back on our life only when something unpleasant happens to us.

And we think that our loss is the greatest. As if we are some supreme martyr and most gutted. When I met some neighbor who had lost her close relatives in the frightful uttarakhand tragedy, I felt belittled and ashamed that I was so upset for my car. Her grief was beyond compare. It was a true wake up call.

When I see my sister struggling through her difficult residency years as she moves on to become a doctor, I see and hear the same question in her ever tired voice and in her sleep deprived eyes . Why me? She and me both knew that it is infact a hard- hitting profession. But when I set eyes on how she is being trained, tough is such an understatement. When all her other friends who did not choose to become a doctor are enjoying their life. And they would be equally successful at the end ..right? then why her?

 It’s easy to ask this question you know especially when we can’t handle what falls in our lap. We simply disown our state when it comes to this. We start finding reasons why we did not deserve so. I think most of us crib not about our real problems but inconveniences. Have any one of you read this “I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet.” Yes! That’s what it sums up to.

 My one question to all of us is “ did we ask the ‘why me’ when we got what made us happy?” when I got my new car a year back, did I ask god why me that I have the audacity to ask so when my car has been taken? When I got through the best college, did I ask why me? When got a job which so many aspired to, did I ask that?

No I didn’t. Because I then believed that I truly truly deserved every bit of that. How mean can that be? Its like all roses and no thorn which is as good as beauty without virtues. If I have the grace to accept my success, my happy state of affairs, I should also have the nerve to accept my taxing situations too. Everything happens for a reason. Some to learn from, some to mature from and some to appreciate later in life.

I have learnt even though it is strenuous today, it will not stay on forever. Life moves on. Like all my happy phases have moved on; So will the bad moments, bad days and bad circumstances. Just keep at it. But we are humans. We forget too soon. And the good lessons sooner. We forget that when one thing ends, something begins again.

DO NOT REGRET

We all have regrets deep down. Don’t we? I wish I had taken up that job. Why did I not speak about it earlier? I wish I had not done this. How I fancy I had known this was a golden opportunity? I yearn I had thought about it more seriously before. There are lots of ‘these’ each day. Radically, admit it or not, there is ONE little thing which haunts us always deep inside – one small pang of guilt. Even though we understand and rationalize but it stays- right there on your head with an unnerving anxiety.

 Do we recognize, it’s because no one made a list of perfect options in life. We took decisions - some turned out great, some okaish and some….well we don’t know. 

Indeed! Its time for you to let them GO. It is not worth it. It isn’t. I am too young to preach anything to my friends. But there are two things I have experienced in my small life span. One, regret only if it makes you do something well again. Regret, if it helps you rise above and think of a superior solution for the future. Regret only if it makes you more observant, more skilled and more content for having realized what went off beam. If it makes you sulky; “Please guilt! Stay away I am too lazy to sympathize with you.” 

Secondly, I have realized that sometimes we regret too soon. I don’t know if all of you who are reading this believe in The Almighty but I do. I have seen things turning out good through the same situation for which I have repented. I have seen that a few such lament decisions turned out in fact the finest and real life changing ones for me. The only thing is it took its own time. And I have a feeling God took that bit of “now good- then bad” decision for me. I have understood that we do get answers if not immediately then a little later. But we do.

Also, remorse brings along under-confidence. We are afraid to make evaluations for our life in future. You know we shouldn’t grieve over what has been done. we should regret over the things we didn’t when we had a chance. When I was in my 5th grade, I got a chance to participate in prelims of ‘Bournvita quiz contest’. I was asked to complete next two lines , “pussy cat pussy cat , where had you been”. I know that poem by heart but I was so unsure at that point of time. I kind of stopped and did not answer.I still regret that. I missed my chance for selection to the final levels. It was not about being on the show. It was about not having tried to answer. 

I would just like to say in the end we only complain about the chances we didn’t take and the decisions we waited too long to make. Come what may. Be proud that you took that decision and nobody else. And that is in fact a matter of pride I say and not SHAME. I regret nothing in my life. When I look back at my past I smile because it made me who I am today.