WHY ME???

This Monday morning, I got a shock to find my car missing from the place I have been parking it for more than 5 years now. Still refusing to believe that it has been stolen, I spoke to my neighbours and tried to find out if it has been towed away by mistake. But no it wasn’t. It had infact been taken – actually burgled would be more appropriate.

 And while the truth sunk in, my mind asked WHY ME? Why my car? I have been always so careful to lock it each day. And I have never done anybody any wrong or sinful. Then why me?

Its when such incidents sweep you off your feet, you sit back and dissect all your good and bad deeds in trying to pacify yourself to emerge out of the situation. It is quite sad that we reflect back on our life only when something unpleasant happens to us.

And we think that our loss is the greatest. As if we are some supreme martyr and most gutted. When I met some neighbor who had lost her close relatives in the frightful uttarakhand tragedy, I felt belittled and ashamed that I was so upset for my car. Her grief was beyond compare. It was a true wake up call.

When I see my sister struggling through her difficult residency years as she moves on to become a doctor, I see and hear the same question in her ever tired voice and in her sleep deprived eyes . Why me? She and me both knew that it is infact a hard- hitting profession. But when I set eyes on how she is being trained, tough is such an understatement. When all her other friends who did not choose to become a doctor are enjoying their life. And they would be equally successful at the end ..right? then why her?

 It’s easy to ask this question you know especially when we can’t handle what falls in our lap. We simply disown our state when it comes to this. We start finding reasons why we did not deserve so. I think most of us crib not about our real problems but inconveniences. Have any one of you read this “I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet.” Yes! That’s what it sums up to.

 My one question to all of us is “ did we ask the ‘why me’ when we got what made us happy?” when I got my new car a year back, did I ask god why me that I have the audacity to ask so when my car has been taken? When I got through the best college, did I ask why me? When got a job which so many aspired to, did I ask that?

No I didn’t. Because I then believed that I truly truly deserved every bit of that. How mean can that be? Its like all roses and no thorn which is as good as beauty without virtues. If I have the grace to accept my success, my happy state of affairs, I should also have the nerve to accept my taxing situations too. Everything happens for a reason. Some to learn from, some to mature from and some to appreciate later in life.

I have learnt even though it is strenuous today, it will not stay on forever. Life moves on. Like all my happy phases have moved on; So will the bad moments, bad days and bad circumstances. Just keep at it. But we are humans. We forget too soon. And the good lessons sooner. We forget that when one thing ends, something begins again.

DO NOT REGRET

We all have regrets deep down. Don’t we? I wish I had taken up that job. Why did I not speak about it earlier? I wish I had not done this. How I fancy I had known this was a golden opportunity? I yearn I had thought about it more seriously before. There are lots of ‘these’ each day. Radically, admit it or not, there is ONE little thing which haunts us always deep inside – one small pang of guilt. Even though we understand and rationalize but it stays- right there on your head with an unnerving anxiety.

 Do we recognize, it’s because no one made a list of perfect options in life. We took decisions - some turned out great, some okaish and some….well we don’t know. 

Indeed! Its time for you to let them GO. It is not worth it. It isn’t. I am too young to preach anything to my friends. But there are two things I have experienced in my small life span. One, regret only if it makes you do something well again. Regret, if it helps you rise above and think of a superior solution for the future. Regret only if it makes you more observant, more skilled and more content for having realized what went off beam. If it makes you sulky; “Please guilt! Stay away I am too lazy to sympathize with you.” 

Secondly, I have realized that sometimes we regret too soon. I don’t know if all of you who are reading this believe in The Almighty but I do. I have seen things turning out good through the same situation for which I have repented. I have seen that a few such lament decisions turned out in fact the finest and real life changing ones for me. The only thing is it took its own time. And I have a feeling God took that bit of “now good- then bad” decision for me. I have understood that we do get answers if not immediately then a little later. But we do.

Also, remorse brings along under-confidence. We are afraid to make evaluations for our life in future. You know we shouldn’t grieve over what has been done. we should regret over the things we didn’t when we had a chance. When I was in my 5th grade, I got a chance to participate in prelims of ‘Bournvita quiz contest’. I was asked to complete next two lines , “pussy cat pussy cat , where had you been”. I know that poem by heart but I was so unsure at that point of time. I kind of stopped and did not answer.I still regret that. I missed my chance for selection to the final levels. It was not about being on the show. It was about not having tried to answer. 

I would just like to say in the end we only complain about the chances we didn’t take and the decisions we waited too long to make. Come what may. Be proud that you took that decision and nobody else. And that is in fact a matter of pride I say and not SHAME. I regret nothing in my life. When I look back at my past I smile because it made me who I am today.