DIFFICULT TO BE SIMPLE

My School teacher happened to teach me a very important lesson of my life. She said that its simple to be important but its more important to be simple. A very unadorned line but left a key impression on my mind.

Unfortunately these days children do not learn such ethics at school. Besides the school lessons, they pick up meaningless standards too. Are teachers to be blamed? No, Not really. It’s WE, the parents who are to be reproached.

Just yesterday, I had taken my little sweetie to her first school. Both of us were very keen, more so me because it was a mother- toddler program which I really looked forward to wondering what my baby would learn or how would she respond , this being her first time socializing.

But when I entered, forget about my daughter being flabbergasted in the whole new environment, I was myself a little lost. It seemed less of a classroom but more of a fashion pageant of mother and child. They were all astonishingly dressed, worth appreciating. They spoke in a very sophisticated manner which I would love to imitate. But the only uncertainity that ran across my mind was; is this why am I getting my child to the school? Will it be a learning experience for her or something else?

The only consolation was that we were not a part of it. Suhaani and me were way too simple for the bunch. I loved the way she held my hand not wanting to leave it forever as she felt perturbed reaching out to the whole lot of people. I think what she wore or how she spoke was the last thing on our minds. That’s what I call simplicity.

We take offense, judge right or wrong, believe in being up market but ask a child who can be as simple. Simplicity is hard to find these days. All of us were children too at some point of time, just as uncomplicated but time and the big bad world forced us to transform .And very obviously few of us passed on that change to our kids, sometimes too early.

There is no harm being in vogue or adjusting to the new society trends or maturing to acquire the wisdom of right-wrong or good-bad. But its important that we do this with a trouble free and unpretentious attitude like a child does. It’s the beauty of being polite, down to earth and compassionate that makes us a good human being and not sophistication alone- a principle we must remind ourselves and preach our children.

I wish I can be like my daughter Pallavi, who right after being scolded for her wrongs, goes around imitating me dramatizing the same dialogues with her sister. I wish I could be as simple not to mind when someone yells at me. The day she gets irritated, I guess I’ll understand she has matured; She is heading on to become a grown up like me.

SUCCESS

Success is often confused to be the most profoundly intense emotion in anybody’s life. When I won my first trophy, even I felt that. But then I grew up.

I am too amateur and young to enlighten anyone about this overwhelming word ‘Success’.  There have been innumerable quotes by world’s most celebrated philosophers and legends to illustrate the same.

Even though my achievements are not as captivating as Aziz Premji or as glorious as L.N.Mittal, there are a few things I have realized about success.

Success has no address, no calling cards.

Success is not a destination.

Success is not a particular moment.

Success does not make you happy.

Success is not the end of world.

My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have acquired and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is only an acknowledgement of it by others. I think this little piece of advice has always kept me going as I cope up with tough pressures in life.

I thank my mum for making me understand this a little too soon. Guess she sensed how the times are and how everyone is frantically a part of the ‘Winning Pursuit’. Will I crack this exam? Will I get this job? Will I get a promotion, a bonus and a pay hike? Will my children do well? Will they succeed? Will I be able to fulfill my expectations? Gosh! Its intimidating!!!!!!!

Success is nice but not as important or satisfying. One should try to take pleasure in what one does. Put behind how it will turn out tomorrow or how superior is it from others. Be realistic enough to know that it is your achievement, your endeavour, your energy that brings you happiness not success. 

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Besides, the significance of success would diminish the day we start to understand that a lot of people who are not known to be successful also do have a life, and in fact a splendid one which they truly know how to cherish.  Because they are great achievers; they have achieved the skill to work; they have attained the knowledge to learn; they have accomplished the art to be happy; they have learnt the ability to feel fulfilled . Does Success bring you all that? I have my doubts.

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AS HAPPY AS A CHILD

If somebody asks me how would you define ‘Happiness’ I would like to pass on this question to my  three year old daughter who can answer this far better than me. I have noticed that while we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. They can teach us to be happy.

How? I would like to share this occurence. Once my ‘always very keen’ daughter was insisting to have water from a big pitcher to which I strictly refused assuming she’ll spill the whole thing on herself. But I had to give in when she sweetly asked ‘ Mumma, please let me try.’ And to my utter surprise she didn’t tip out a single drop of water. Isn’t that remarkable?

But what was even more remarkable was the beauty of her happiness which she derived from that little task. One should have seen her elation, her sense of triumph over having done it excellently. If I may be allowed to exaggerate her exhilaration could be compared to Neil Armstrong on being the first man to land on moon.

Her demeanor compelled me to ponder over my life. I begin my day running around, getting things in order, taking care of the kids, finishing my emails, and heaps of other matters only managing to complete six out of ten as per my target. And finally concluding my day, all bushed out, looking at the four things that I could not complete. That is my daily schedule. 

That is true for all ‘we’ grown-ups. We are so busy, all our days are so eventful and our minds are so industriously engaged that we forget to be HAPPY.  And to complement our already tedious monotonous life, we unlike children, wait for THE moment in life to make us feel happy which, unfortunately, will never arrive. I say this because the moment is right here; Right in your mind.

Never have I, in recent past, seen myself enjoying a small thing. When was that last time did I take time to enjoy a small scoop of icecream? When was the last time you took time to play a prank on your friend and laugh your lungs out or when did I enjoy simply doing nothing? Frank Clark, an American screenwriter said; ‘Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.”

Happiness is not something which will arrive someday. It’s not the time or size or price of the thing which can make us happy. It’s our philosophy which gives us happiness or deprives us of any pleasure. 

Actually, it’s children who can rejoice little things and little moments. Like Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 said; ’Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are.  Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are.  Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.

My daughter can feel like a winner from almost anything. She can get almost as much fun out of an expensive toy as she does out of finding a small green bead from under the bed. I sincerely desire that she remains my role model for this simple and vital lesson she has taught me. And hope I do not destroy her spirit as she moves on in life as we parents feel the moral pressure to present their child as best.

MY BABY’s FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY

‘Please do come to my birthday party.  Rishav.’; read the invitation to my daughter which her classmate had sent her. I was pleased to take her out, all jazzed up with the idea that next month, as she turns three,  even she can have a bash with her friends.

Honestly, that visit to Rishav’s celebration, put an end to my confusion as to how I should plan my darling’s upcoming birthday. I decided NOT TO celebrate it, atleast not the way most of us define celebration.

The party was organized at one of the most renowned places with a nice play pen for the little ones, with the widest choice of food for children that they can even think of and the most delicious cake one can ask for. They had huge number of games, grand decoration, return gifts and extraordinary invitations.

Everything was delightful but the birthday boy. He was only cranky to see massive number of new faces around and eventually too tired to cut the cake (his most awaited event of the day), waiting for all his loving guests to arrive. Play pen? Did he enjoy it? I don’t think he even got time to see it. And talk about the mouth watering delicacies, he was least concerned to even taste them.

I understand all parents are eager to celebrate their child’s first birthday.  It’s as if they wish to announce to the world that it was this day they were endowed upon the honour of being called mom-dad  and that their little happiness that was gifted to them exactly a year back has grown so big and adorable.  So, they whoop it up; Spend money , time and energy; make it anything but comfortable for the babe-in-arms. What’s also bothering is how parents dress them up in sophisticated outfits only to brag how attractive their child can look

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Some argue that it’s this way that their child shall learn to socialize and get the exposure to mingle with loads of people. Let me ask you how many of us have had such birthday get-togethers when we were so young? Not many but still we are perfectly comfortable being social. Aren’t we?

My point is that such get-togethers for such tiny babies is too early to worry about their exposure to the outer world. They are already coping up with a lot to step into an independent childhood from being a toddler.  Interestingly, please recognize that ‘Your time’ is in fact the ideal gift for your child. Taking him out for a nice playground where you can spend more time together with your undivided attention would make him feel more loved and special than any party which takes away all your mind leaving you drained out, with almost no time for the two of you.

I guess most of us haven’t given it a good thought. We sometimes tend to follow the league. Reason it out  like I did and on your tot’s next birthday rejoice In an environment where he is happy and cheerful, in clothes, in which he can smile and cut the cake at a time which does not tire or annoy him.

WILL CORRUPTION EVER END IN INDIA?

 

The leading newspaper headline read ‘As Anna prevails, India against Corruption activists end fast’. I was swollen with pride that finally this noble individual who has been enduringly contending for such a consequential cause has not lost his battle against corruption.

His successful hunger strike lasted for more than 280 hours and the whole of India backed him. The common man seemed enthusiastic about the movement. Lot of bikers could be seen on roads wearing Anna’s cap, carrying the National Flag. The support was magnanimous. And as the fast ended after the debate started in the Parliament over the JanLok pal bill, a sense of joy rained upon every national for such a ‘Hard but a brilliant triumph’.

End of Anna Hazare’s fast brings upon a smile on every Indian’s face but does that mark the end of corruption in India? Does that mean that there will be no misuse of one’s office for private gain? Or does it mean that it’ll only be a theoretical win as the proposed law is introduced?

Though the discussion has already started in the Parliament and the aspects raised by Anna on behalf of the people, have been duly addressed. And Prime Minister’s letter to Anna is a thorough assurance but the fear is that will this enactment really wipe out corruption to the core? I have seen corruption in every sphere of life-bribery, extortion, influence peddling, nepotism, scams, fraud, ‘grease money’, and opportunism. Every day the newspapers report about a few of these. If truth be told, will it go from the roots?

Like the Greek philosopher, Plato, argued in The Republic that ‘Only politicians who gain no personal advantage from the policies they pursued would be fit to govern’. We would all consent that such politicians exist in the state but only in the era of idealism.

The true victory would be accomplished when this piece of legislation is in fact implemented and it manages to stamp out corruption from top to bottom. A huge successful start is worth a celebration but it also brings upon the onus to persistently fulfill it to the very last.

 In 1982, In Singapore, LOKPAL BILL was implemented and 142 Corrupt Ministers & Officers were arrested in one single day. Today Singapore has only 1% poor people & no taxes are paid by the people to the government, 92% Literacy Rate, Better Medical Facilities, Cheaper Prices, 90% Money is white & Only 1% Unemployment exists. Let’s all hope that 2011 turns out to be a historic year for our country as well which sets a path for us to emerge as a corruption free progressing country. What do you say ?

HULLABALOO OF TELEVISION SHOWS

 

I can distinctly recall in 2001, at my friend’s place who had organized a ‘Havan’, a holy ritual in Hindus. It was the occasion of her nephew’s first birthday and the whole family had gathered for the same. But I was greatly shocked, when I heard a few of my aunts talking about a lady who had unfortunately lost her husband in an accident. Even I felt very sorry for her. I nodded a deeply felt yes when they said , ’God has not been kind.’

Would you believe me, if I tell you the truth? To my utter surprise, its only towards the end of the pooja that I realized that the lady was none other than just a character from ‘KSBKBT’ , then a very famous Ekta kapoor television series being aired on star plus.

Gosh! That was pretty exasperating. People, and I mean not just them but every woman in the neighborhood, was talking about it as if the misfortune had actually taken place. Just imagine the extent of it that persons like me who were not religious followers of the soap were misled to believe that it was a reality.

This narration may sound exaggerated but I can assure you that it was not just me who felt it, a lot of other people did. I have seen my own mom trying to wind up her routine work quickly to be relaxed to watch one of these melodramatic soaps or my grand mom skipping to go out for any other commitment just coz there is a maha-episode of some serial. This is strange but a fact.

Should I be happy that such action packed, enthralling and beguiling series entertains all the house wives and keeps them busy besides giving them a spanking topic for their ever-droning kitty parties? Or should I just pity their indolent and slack lifestyle?

Ekta Kapoor who started this trend must, in fact be appreciated. She as a business woman with a good business sense, perceived the need of such idle people. And making work-shy women her special target, she exploited the opportunity to her business advantage. She revolutionized the whole concept of television soaps. It is claimed that until date, no serial has ever got as high TRP ratings as her first serial ‘KSBKBT’. Very enterprising I must say.

But what happened to us. Why are we even watching any silly irrational serial like this and devotedly following it too. Did anyone force us? Or are we just doing it because we have nothing better to do. Like Ann Landers said,’ Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.’

Like a non- loyal television viewer, I have never managed to follow a particular soap daily. And I have a very interesting suggestion. It would be sufficient If you just watch it once a week, considering the deliberated slow pace of each storyline. Thanks to the suspenseful special effects and melodrama that takes about eighty percent of the episode.

Unfortunately, though there are brilliant artists in those serials and excellent innovative ideas involved but all are dawdled just to get more number of episodes, sponsorships and higher returns for the channels and production houses. It seems, the objective of entertainment has been long forgotten. The idea should be to make us laugh and present to the audience things which are good-humoured and fun-loving. After all, one watches movies and television for pleasure and not for something totally mind-numbing.

Next time if someone catches you red-handed watching one of these, don’t make a lame excuse that you do not usually watch it but just flipping through the channels. Choose not to see any such nuisance at all because you have to decide what needs to be rejected totally and help re-define th meaning of entertainment.

DEMOCRACY: Who made the rules?

As I put on the Television today like the entire India was watching, to know anxiously how ‘The Anna Hazare’ campaign was going on in Delhi; I was disgusted to hear about his detention. What was more thwarting was a Congress’ statement” In a democratic nation, Everyone has a right to protest, but there are rules, methods and laws to do so.” Did someone dare to ask ‘who made these rules?’

 Just a reminder, Democracy, comes from a greek word ‘dēmokratía’ meaning ‘rule of the people’.  If the Government understands that these laws were made by and for the people of the nation, then I am sure it also understands that there is a lot of dissatisfaction and aggravation in the general public due to issues involved in the LokPal bill.  This is quite evident with the kind of massive support Anna Hazare is getting from THE PEOPLE - first in April when he demanded the bill to be introduced in the Parliament and now when he feels that the same is not totally transparent and integrated.

So, is it a time that we like cowards under the cover of justice, arrest such a personality and try to suppress the reason behind it saying that the method of protest is incorrect. Or is it the time to understand what the public is trying to put forth through Anna and address the matter. This includes changing our laws/regulations which hinder such meaningful protests.

Anna Hazare , a social activist, believes that our freedom is at the teeth of danger due to corruption and unless it is eliminated, the country will not be free in its true sense. Therefore, a peaceful war has been waged against corruption with the help of immense support from people.

However, the matter in question has instead become ‘Whether the hunger strike started by Hazare confirms to the democracy standards?’ If you ask the Government, they have already answered it by imprisoning this icon who is trying to raise his voice on behalf of the majority nation, for a good cause.

If we come to analyse democracy standards, while there is no specific, universally accepted definition of 'democracy', equality and freedom have both been identified as important characteristics of the same since ancient times. And by no means has Anna done anything to disobey these fundamentals of democracy. He just got a huge public support which did not seem to go well with the few. On the contrary, in fact, steps taken by the Government are completely abhorrent to democracy.

I can recall a quote by Wills Rogers, an American humourist ‘ On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.’ Yes, this strongly brings to my mind that probably that’s what India is doing. It’s high time we use our fundamental rights and our minds. Frankly, we as a part of a huge democracy must be unwavering and aware enough to support wisely who we think is our well wisher – one who recognises our problems or the one who blindly follows the system.

Aristotle once said, ‘Democracy is when the indigent, and not the men of property, are the rulers.’ Do we agree to that? NOOOOO……. And if that’s the case we should all muster up the courage to support Anna Hazare in every possible way. We are neither indignant nor uneducated. We just have to prove it one more time that we have the capability to take the right steps to say the right thing at the right time and tell the world that we know well to conduct ourselves as a successful democratic nation.