THE SHADES OF LIFE

 

Off late, I just felt like exploring my long kept DSLR camera. All thanks to Anurag Sir. When I looked at his mesmerizing pictures, I always thought that photography is about capturing the right fleeting moments and he surely was good at that. I reasoned I could try my hands on it too. Obviously, I do get it, it’s not as easy as he makes it sound. But undeniably interesting.

Obviously during this pandemic, I cannot really travel anywhere. So here I was, sitting on my terrace exploring the clear blue sky. It surely looked grand and felt serene sitting under an umbrella of the unruffled stillness.

Technically, when I was a kid, I had figured out why sky was blue?  When sunlight falls on the atoms that make up the air, some of the light bounces off and Shorter-wavelength colours, such as blue, are scattered more effectively — making this firmament look blue — while the remaining sunlight that falls to our eyes is slightly yellowed by the loss of some of its blue. Simple.

But with the sun setting down, this simplicity was seemed much more complex to me- the brilliance of colours was splendid - something so very captivating. The pink crimson rays alluded more than its literal meaning. The orange haze splashed a warm sensation onto me, and the calmness flew by with the wind making me heart stop for a second. Oh wait! Was I seeing this all from my own terrace?

The chirping birds flying like free souls through the canvas of dusk amidst the infinite azure space. These heavens-bound birdies looked so happy together relishing the play of colours from zenith to the horizon flaunting their confidence and happiness like they knew it all.

And here we are so reluctant to let ourselves be- so fearful of change- so fretful for handling any pressures. Isn’t life also the same? Don’t we get brawnier and stronger with every darkness that we sail through. Don’t we gain all the optimism to fly higher with each passing day? Don’t we just become a better version of ourselves with changing shades of life? Just a few minutes on the terrace brought in so much introspection. Bliss it was.

Straight up, even after so much reflection, I don’t know if I am yet ready to try on the newer shades. All I know is that after today, I plan to go more often to my terrace looking in peace and whenever  I sit down to tint in with my brushes next, my sky might just be pink and not blue for a change.

Reminds me of my daughter’s status that read a few days back “Great things never came from comfort zones.” Right my sweetheart I promise to take you very seriously.

I AM OLD SCHOOL

I have good manners

Not because I want to be liked

It’s because they are absolutely essential

I show respect to my elders

Not because its requested

It’s because its required

I accept my fault first

Not because I want to be nice

It’s because its no one else’s

I like to do my chores

Not because they are rewarded

It’s because I am expected

I do not answer back to my elders

Not because I am afraid

It’s because I hate to raise fingers at my seniors

I like to worship each day

Not because ritual is the question

It’s because prayers are the answers

I do not like to quit

Not because I am strong

It’s because quitting is never an option

I trust people whom I love

Not because I am silly

It’s because I have strong morals

I believe in repairing & not throwing  people or things

Not because I have a lot of time

It’s because its worth it

I still like flowers and not thumbs up

Not because I am not an influencer

It’s because they are more real

I still believe in handwritten letters

Not because I don’t like changing with time

It’s because opening an envelope is more romantic

I love real dates to Tinder

Not because I am afraid of the unknown

It’s because texting is not courting

I like to go to picnics

Not because I am not a e-athlete

It’s because fresh air & sunshine are hard to beat

I like hills, trees and small towns

Not because I cant cope with the fast life

It’s Because they are more peaceful than stone buildings

I prefer flipping an album

Not because I can’t keep a backup

It’s Because the memories seem closer in my hands

I like golden era music

Not because I am not into the new stuff

It’s Because it used to mean more

I like calling to wish birthdays

It’s because a real conversation is more profound

 Than reading a text

Yes, please and sorry are still a part of my vocabulary

Not because its good manners

It’s because doing the right thing makes you feel good

I prefer long drives to Netflix

Not because I need to get away from home

It’s because open roads make you think a lot more

I don’t swear by things

Not because it’s a bad thing

It’s because I am straightforward

I like Eye contacts while talking

Not because I am insecure

It’s because I like to pay attention

I like remembering phone numbers

Not because I don’t trust Google

It’s because there is a certain joy in dialling them

I like to write with my pencil

Not because typing is consuming

It’s because I like erasing my flawed notes

I respect the stay at home women

Not because I am more educated

It’s because one of them raised me

Some outfits never make it out of doors

Not because its scandalous

It’s Because I like to be me

I love wearing sarees

Not because I have to follow my traditions

It’s because ethnic and elegance is my favourite

I like being Old school

Not because I am old fashioned

Its because I was raised properly

BLISS IN WILDERNESS

PC: Suhaani Saraogi

Candidly, neither do I come across as a person who would love to go on a trek nor do I think I have any endurance to even try it. However, this changed until my last holiday. I realised how much I relish falling in love with the nature – it’s flowing, beautiful changing colours. How much joy it brings to me when I see the magical sky as the blazing sun retires. And how the curtain of stars is scattered across the sky and their multitude humbles me. And how the scintillating sound of water through open wide panoramic window can pour in blissful peace into me. I don’t deny I just don’t get too much of it these days in the unrelenting running around. But I totally miss it!

When I reached Queenstown, the most cool place in NZ, if I may be allowed to be a little snobbish, I just felt so low. I just knew I had to do something else besides just the adventures and night life that this place is known for. I had to explore something which brought some kind of different charm and harmony.

So spontaneously, we packed for a day trip to Glenorchy and decided to go for a trek. Sculpted with mountaneous landscape, we picked a lovely easy loop walk through the massive Beech trees. And I have nothing to boast about when I say that just a beginner’s trek drained me out and I was walking like I am an 80 year old feeling a little stunned to see the relaxed smile on others walking along. Phew !!

Never mind, I cant deny, fatigue and embarrassment were the last things that I carried back with me. That two hour trek brought me to life again. Reminding me to re-live and look around with rose coloured glasses. One thing I think I was always so good at and yet had forgotten.

Finally, pretty soon, we planned a visit to Manali. Even though we kind of like to say we went on a trek to Hampta pass, actually it was just the first leg of the path that we rambled. Had I really managed to reach Hampta pass, I would have abolutely felt no less than Sir Edmund Hillary.

Well, we planned this with my cousins and my daughters. Much to the dismay of our over enthusiasm, we read that this was something more casual than we were wanting to boast about. Serene calmness and pristine surrounding with gradual slopes seemed easy. Nevertheless, I was incredibly excited. But I didn’t realize what I was getting myself into.

For a girl who can easily thump into her own bed which has been invariably around for so many years, it was certainly a cracked thing to plan a 4km hike up the hill. Stairs would have made things easier, but there weren’t any, so trail was the only option. The journey was full of surprises and amazing scenes.

After about a km, when I looked around, it seemed like I am the only one who was struggling more than anyone else. I found myself stopping and panting for breath. Thanks to my daughter Suhaani who held my hand leading me all the way through the zig zag routes; I just managed to skid down just once.

Light rains had begun as we were trekking back followed by snow fall beautifying everything it covered. As if the divine was embracing me- a feeling that will not leave me forever. All I know is that that day, even when we were so many of us together, but a part of me was celebrating the solitude that I derived - running by me yet again that there existed goodness in life, strength in standing tall, peace in taking a breather from the virtual world.

I know I cant go back every weekend, but I take out a little time now to just sit down on the terrace and be alive. Or just log off the computer and get into my shoes and step out to Nehru Park; Hoping that once in a while right in the middle of an ordinary life, taking a walk in the trees and breathing the wild air might just bring extra ordinary bliss.

JUDGE ME NOT!!!!!

I feel that one thing I have always despised is judging anyone. But over time I also realised that even though I thought I was not probably judging most but shelfing a few who were not my types. I was only pronouncing that our temperaments and inclinations were a little different; I hate to admit that it was in fact my JUDGEMENT.

I don’t like apple products, cars like Audi for the simple reason that I have never appreciated flamboyant spending without any functionality. So, there I was, conveniently remarking that each person holding that apple icon and driving a grandiose car was pretentious.

I would also take pride in explaining that to my kids as to why I made that choice. In trying to instill real values, did I teach them to judge others wrong and judge me right?  Now that is a guilty question which I am afraid to or I should say I don’t even want to address.

To make my children responsible individuals, I preach them moral values like honesty, loyalty, respect, self- reliance, discipline, patience, gratitude, forgiveness and courtesy. But while I do so, I take the liberty to correct them and also sometimes end up judging them. There is a very fine line between a comment and a statement. And I don’t even know when that line stands crossed. Am I supposed to parent them ( which by the way entails judging the kids all the time) or am I supposed to let them be? I have no clue.

Interestingly, I did not consider analysing is the same thing as judging; not until recently when I realised in the game of, I judge this-I don’t judge this, I had started pigeonholing myself too. I had started putting myself in such high standards of touchstone - to not be allowed to be wrong, not be allowed to make mistakes, to be not allowed to fall weak. And there I was - trapped in my own judgement. How could I be wrong when I am so meticulous in making choices with reason? How could I be forgetful when I am planning every little detail? How can I be so okay with such average results? And lots more!!!!  Phew! I was sooooooooooo tired.

I needed a breather. I needed to understand that there is no right or wrong honestly. And this simple lesson came from my own daughter. Even though whenever she tries to challenge what I stand for, its never kind of  easy but Last week it was a little different. The other day, when I stopped her from wearing a yellow dress which to my understanding was just not suiting her, she pointed out that she wants to wear it because she is just loving the feel of it. I will not deny that I wanted to exercise my supremacy over her choice but I held myself back and decided not to let her feel judged- not by me at least.

Honestly, there is no judgement needed; no barometer required. Neither for those who spend extravagantly over a phone nor over me who was being so self-righteous taking pride in not using the same. Its just a matter of personal choice. Having an opinion is important but only to the extent that you want to make choices for yourself not to button down others into a statement.

Its okay if one gets happiness by wearing whatever they like, by leading their lives in whatever manner, by setting their own benchmarks. Often people who are meticulously giving so much of thought to each and every little breath they take, end up judging themselves the most and drain themselves.

We should try to live each day so fully, so alive that we are so pleased and content with every minute that went. We are hard on each other because we are using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deificiency. So, lesson well learnt -

"Never waste time explaining yourself to others who are bound to misunderstand you and stop typecasting the ones who are not like you."

 Wow it feels good to have said that and even better to feel inspired to practice that.

All one should judge is how happy they are and how happy they can get!!!

GLENORCHY HIGH

Glenorchy high

  It had only been hour before
She wished something more majestic to explore.
Not knowing what awaits her day
She was bracing to fly away.
Amidst the mountains so high and tall
But no fears, no apprehensions, no jitters at all.
Romancing with nature it seemed
Holding fast to her dreams.
Love for this vastness so intrigue
Feeling alive, calm and complete.
A mind at peace with all below
She put her foot on the snow.
Facing atop its sunlit summit
Feeling something in her spirit.
Strength of its zenith and air so thin
She will always carry within.
Comfort in the quiet lingers on
Fragrance of its beauty settles on.
She wore the strongest posture now
Knowing she can walk in the clouds.
Halfway to the very sky
Never had she been this high!!!!

THE PERSONALISED TOUCH!!!

I have seen lot of people recently asking me about my whereabouts. And I wonder in amazement …..Have I stopped socialising or meeting people? Or is it that I have stopped being chatty? or Do I forget to greet people when I see them? What has changed? And Then I hear them reveal the ethical duty that I have missed to perform assiduously – “I have not been so active on the What’s App group and no Instagram yet and blah blah blah.”

This may sound a bit discourteous but frankly I do see see myself saying “ Ah! A sigh of relief.  It’s not my physical presence or actions that are missing. It’s actually my virtual presence on the social media group that is being talked about.”

Honestly, no matter how much I despise being very diligent on What’s App, I can’t deny that it has made life simpler, people more accessible and communication faster. I know I am in touch with more folks because I have What’s App. It’s so much more effortless to organise my daughter’s birthday party as there is this facility of What’s App groups.

My only concern here is that are we really socialising here? What happened to those personalised invitations?  To the birthday wishes that were given in person or to those calls that you made to thank someone. I see more images of those feelings on my phone than actually sensing the sentiment individually.

Have we not started doing some formalities more than ever only because it’s so easy to write a thank you on What’s App and haven’t we started shrinking from genuine efforts only because a sorry on What’s App is less difficult?

Are we not missing out on something? Sharing on What’s App sounds cool to me but caring? Really? Is that going to replace our way of bonding and demonstration of our feelings ?

A message embellished with emoticons, with smileys, with LOL is considered PERSONALISED. Texting has replaced letters; visuals have replaced reading and the Emojis have replaced expressions.  It doesn’t surpise me when my children prefer to learn on YouTube than reading a book.

I am still the old intellectual tradition. I still feel that I remember things more when I touch them, read them and feel them. I still haven’t progressed to a Kindle. I must admit I still like to pick up a thick book to read no matter how inconvenient it may sound to a few. I still have  a birthday card given to me by my parents and I can tell you it is so precious to me that I keep checking on it. And opening and closing it again and again gives me such satisfaction which I can’t really put in words.

I have my college scrapbooks and hard copies of the photographs organised in albums. I love posting pictures on Facebook but I still make an effort to take prints of them. Flipping the album is a very different feeling.  Happiness found again.

The other day I was asked by my sister as to why I hardly wished our relatives on the family group?   “ It sounds a bit rude, you know.”She mentioned.  Candidly, I thought to myself and realised that I am happy to be a part of this group on which I actively participate but only for those things for which I don’t feel the need to call one on one. I still try to make time to personally give a ring if I can. That sounds real. When I meet them after months I have memories of my last call and not my last text. And I truly like that.

One interesting observation that I always love to make when I post a picture on facebook.  It’s amusing. I get at least 100 likes if it’s a photograph but when I post something otherwise I hardly manage a few. (Gosh! I just found myself looking for a sad emoji and realised this is not FB or Whats app…Hahahaha!)

Interestingly, I just googled “personalised calls vis-a-vis What’s App” and it doesn’t surprise me what Google found out  for me” 7 whats app settings to personalise” That’s the most ironic thing I have read and indeed most hilarious.

Anyways my point is that even though we are progressing to a visually driven world in this Tech savvy era, these punctuated and decorated messages can never replace a face to face conversation, our moods, our emotions in our voice. Let us use this technology for less important things because as human beings we can use our own emotions to express more intelligently than computerised icons.

Let’s build relationships even though fewer and not chat histories.

THE LESSON IN FALLING

Are we all not so proud of our kids? Haven’t we found ourselves elated at their eloquent manners, lucid expressions, “A” grades, prize winnings and the star credits they have got at their dazzling performances? Even though they are still so young; No matter how many they get, one more would still make us histrionic. Truly, have we never caught ourselves eyeing them to be the next one to be recognized at whatever possible opportunity? I will not lie. I have. Even though I have never expressed that to my kids but silently yes whenever they are, I feel brilliant.

And why shouldn’t we? It is a great thing to achieve, to perform, to step out and learn. It means more exposure, more confidence, more fun and more medals on the superior parenting tag too.

But are we forgetting something. In trying to help them reach for the stars, are we forgetting to tell them about falling before rising. In our process to making them the best, are we forgetting to bring out the best in them? In trying to teach them to outclass are we forgetting to build compassion in them for the less competent in class?

We only taught them how to achieve wherein all of us know the fact. One life doesn’t come with only good bunches of happiness; second, how uplifting and crucial it is to fail. We all know we have faced more struggles than success. Success is just an end result to all the bottlenecks that we crossed and to all the collapses that we decided not to give up on and to all the let downs which we refused to be content with. It is the courage to continue that counts.

I remember when Ananya won the third prize in an Inter school painting competition two years back, I was totally elated. That is the first time I realised what it feels to be a parent when your child is recognized. I have been a frontrunner all through my life but suddenly this one seemed like the best one ever. So as thrilled as I was, I asked my darling as to what it was to go up on the stage and bagging the winning trophy. And what I heard from her was very humbling.

“I liked going on the stage”, she said “But I think i truly loved making the painting”. All that she talked about was her first bus ride to the venue where the competition was held and how bad she felt for her friend who was crying for no reward. Isn’t that so uncomplicated? So here I was meekly reminding myself to not ever transform the reason of her delight from “ The Painting” to the “The Prize”; from “The Journey” to “The Goal”.

I often remember reading such quotes but got a glimpse of the truth in her words. Earlier, I used to share my achievements with her a lot time and again. But from that day onwards, I started sharing my failures, more of my fiascos and experiences of my foolishness too. I must say, besides the fact that she was learning to know that it was absolutely fine to have slip-ups in life; she was really having a good time laughing and chuckiling at all the mistakes that her so called perfect mom made.

I remind her often now that she must say yes to the idea of adventures that she will be facing in life and that it’s okay to cry and make mistakes. And I hope I taught her the most important credo in life – the Lesson in Falling.

In the words of Thomas A. Edison,” I have not failed. I have just found ten thousand ways that won’t work”.