DO NOT HONK

It was a pleasant day in the scorching summers of June, drizzling. So, early in the morning, I decided to skip my gym and go for a drive….. to be Alive, peaceful and enjoy the  silence of the morning hours. Just a few minutes run made me realize that I was mistaken. The drive was anything but peaceful. All that I could hear was cacophony of sounds - horns blaring, prayers broadcast on loudspeakers and local vegetable sellers weaving their way through residential colonies shouting out their offerings of the day.

That is how a morning normally starts in a metro city like Delhi. Yes, I mean the noise from the road traffic. And for some who reside on the main road, this sound never ends, not even at night. Studies reveal that it also affects concentration, particularly for people who are living near heavy traffic intersections, and blood pressure levels in heart patients.

Delhi Traffic is appalling, not only because of the escalating number of automobiles in the city but also because we have made it earsplitting. The voluble mad rush at peak hours and the extreme weather both have made travelling very taxing. The bass of a bus mixes with the thin shrieks of a motor scooter. Add in the noise of rasping truck brakes, the sweet tinkle of bicycles and rickshaws, the wailing Bollywood music pumped out by kids in their new cars, the siren of an ambulance vainly trying to push its way through the heaving mass.

When I started to learn driving, one of the first few lessons I learnt  was that one should use the horn only when needed and no horns at night. I don’t know if we are not aware of this or we simply choose not to pay attention to it.

Once in jam, I was unfortunately stuck in front of a BMW. Gosh! Agreed he had a superfluous car and the money to own it but did that give him a right to own the Delhi roads? I noticed that the he had conveniently found a spot on his steering wheel where his right thumb rested and pressed the horn incessantly as he weaved through traffic.

Horn as I thought was to be used by the driver to give a warning; Mind it, it must be used for a WARNING. The reality however is :It seems almost compulsory to use your horn constantly. We keep pressing that pomp pomp very conveniently and as many times as we like because there is no one to stop us.

Environment ministry is soon rolling out an Ambient Noise Monitoring Network to monitor sound in seven metros in India. We’ll soon have a fine by the Traffic police to get us into the discipline. My suggestion is that we do it by ourselves. We are civilized grown up people who don’t need teachers all the time on our head, like school children. Even if we resolve to use the horn just 5 times less each day; Wow! That change would be a welcome change. I am already thankful in advance for those agree to follow this.

ENGLISH: Our new mother tongue?

 

Before I say anything further, What do you call ‘Mobile’ in Hindi? To be honest, even I don’t know.

The Title of this write up may sound a bit offending to some, but I believe it’s becoming a fact for a large segment of our society. Tell me how many of us say ‘Namaste’ instead of ‘Hi’ when we meet our friends or loved ones?

What has forced me to write this,  is not one instance but a thousands of them which I have observed since childhood and felt ashamed to know that being Indians, we have started giving  a lot more credence to a language (English) other than our own mother tongue.

Forget about others, I am myself trying to teach my two-year old child (who loves to speak Hindi) to start conversing in English. This is out of desperation coz she was not really following what half the world around her was speaking about. On being asked ‘what’s your name?’, my daughter would smile and look at me with a mystifying expression as if ’ Mom! What exactly does that mean?’ And though she is trying hard to learn her second language, English but I know if someone still asks her “How are you?” her spontaneous answer always is ‘ Main thik hoon.” And then she corrects herself to say  “ I am fine”

Actually despite everyone’s repeated advice, I consciously taught her Hindi first. I had always thought my child must speak her first word or sentence in her mother tongue. And yes, like a brilliant girl as she is, she picked up this language beautifully. But then came the schools and our educational systems and the trouble  started.

Unfortunately, English has sub-consciously taken a superior place in our vocabulary and more significantly  in our minds. I remember my parents being so worried during my childhood that I did not speak fluent English and that they felt was a serious glitch. Did THEY feel it or the whole gang of relatives made them feel it; I have no clue.

I still can’t get over how a salesman spoke so disrespectfully to my mom only because she was trying to explain him what she required in Hindi. When I noticed that, only to teach him a lesson for his impudence, I had to use the right device - THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. I am sorry to say, but it worked. He apologized.

I really respect people by their character and content of they say. The dialect does not matter.  Language as dictionary defines it is 'Communication of thoughts and feelings through a system of arbitrary signals, such as voice sounds, gestures, or written symbols.' And as long as one makes himself understood it serves the purpose.

People would argue that I am trying to criticize the global language. I am not. Let’s put it this way, had I been against this amazing language, I would not be writing this up in English. But yes, I want all of us to just take a minute and think that we have started shoving- off our own cultured language as if it’s a shame to speak in Hindi.  One must know English, as it is the most spoken language internationally, but please do not make the Hindi-speaking people left out of the crowd. Not following English is not a sin. One may not know it just like you may not know French or Japanese.

I AM PROUD TO BE AN INDIAN

As the Independence Day arrives, I get immense pleasure to think that India is celebrating its 64 years of independence. Though, my country is still a developing nation, yet it plays an imperative role in the world economy and its diverse culture is one of its kind, found nowhere in any part of the world. So on August 15, as I stand to sing the National Anthem, paying tribute to all our freedom fighters, I raise my head up high feeling proud that I AM AN INDIAN.

But come to think of it. Are we really proud? Indianness – a tag I’ve noticed, most people around me resist. They like to be addressed MODS (a slang for modern).  Some groups of people, who seem to dictate the rest, have adopted a style which is very much influenced by the West. Indians are known for their manners, way of communicating with one another, and their friendly disposition. But in trying to imitate the west, we have forgotten few of the important components of our culture.

For instance, Conversing in Hindi is considered disdainful. Western outfits are more hip-hop these days. The other day I had worn a sari to my daughter’s school and I only found people gazing at me as if I have no status or sophistication. In their language I did not belong to their society. On the contrary, I happened to meet an American on a train and she was so amazed as to how Indians tie a six-metre long cloth so beautifully and carry it with such elegance. Ironically, we look at it with such ignominy. I don’t understand, why? I would not be as embarrassed for anything as I am when I see my own Indian friends mocking at someone who is less westernized.

Etiquette in terms of manners and the way of dressing differ in every country. I am not trying to say that one should not adapt or try newer styles, language or culture. The globe is shrinking & we are all getting closer to each other in many ways. My only argument is why look down upon your own ideas, customs and social behaviour? Why are people forgetting that the people abroad never ever shove off their country’s values to own any other’s . Unfortunately, it’s we who are forgetting them and shockingly, loving to do so.

Actually no one is to be blamed in a way. Acceptance is the key. People want to be accepted well in the society. It’s probably only a small segment of the populace which has developed such ideas but most of us are just blindly following it. We refuse to apply our mind into it as it’s simple and satisfying to adopt acknowledged standards.

                                                                                                                                                                                

However, I refuse to follow them. I totally disagree with such notions. And, every time I observe such a thing, It not only makes me surer about my (Indian) way of life but also more resolute  that I will, by all means, teach my children to respect our traditional Indian culture. Even if they adopt some western ways, they should not in the least be mortified with our own customs or conduct. They should be proud to be Indians.

Thinking beyond the obvious

I remember very fondly how I always asked my dad “How come you are always so optimistic that you forget to be pessimistic?” And he would just smile at my silly question and leave. He has always been very calm and composed when it comes to what we call ‘trying situations’ in life. Not only has that made it easier for everyone around him to deal with any matter but also THAT had a fundamental impact on my mind as a child.

The fact is that he chooses to behave differently. Now when I am grown up, I understand that it’s not that he is some super-human, it’s just that he decides to THINK first and not FEEL. He perseveres.

There are so many instances in life which bring us to difficult situations or decisions. And sometimes it’s the stupid little things which perturb us so much. I have observed that most of us just respond the most obvious way. We get sad, we crib, we retort, we feel dismayed as if it’s the end of this world.

We just fall into the trap. But try this. Just once. Don’t give in to the obvious reaction. Don’t get angry when you feel its alright to do so. Don’t lose your hope when you think that it’s over. Don’t be depressed when you suspect you can’t do it. Don’t be tired when you assume it’s not happening.

When I delivered my pre-term twins, I can recall how shattered I was to see them in the Intensive Care unit. But yes, I consciously made an effort not to be distressed and poignant, but to do what I am required to and in the finest possible manner. And believe me, that worked wonders.

Single mindedness and perseverance - Take a deep breath, close your eyes and Think beyond the obvious. Yes, and trust me you will come up with a more rational, simple and better solution. And then you would only regret for not having tried it before.

“One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.”- Anonymous

The Dilemna

Work or children? Or Both? That’s a tough one. I am ready to reward anyone who can answer that with ease, with undoubted surety. A question I believe every woman faces it these days. I still am.

People tell me that it’s not the amount of time that matters; it’s the quality time that you spend with your child. But hello, if I try to spend the day doing just as much as is really important to my children, I don’t know where my time flies, forget about quality time.

I want to be a perfect mom, close to that at least. Be right there waiting, when they rush out of school just dying to see me……. Applaud them on their little achievements…. read out stories as they sleep into their sweet dreams… ensure an amazing meal……play with them to infinity like a child…….and find answers to their ceaseless needless but obvious questions.

But what also concerns me is how I continue to work. I would like to devote a portion of my time to work as a minimum. Something on the lines what I truly consider one needs to grow on in life. I also want to be a role model to my children of how I proficiently manage both.

I can tell you the decision is quite baffling and thinking about it more, leaves me only more perplexed. The fact is that one does not have optimum energy levels all day long. Cause as much as I try to will myself not to feel tired, the truth is, I do get tired. The dilemna grows.

And then, I close my eyes and remember……. I grew more independent because my parents truly were my pillar in my pre-adolescent years. Maybe because they were always there for me, I am so sharp and responsible. It’s how they raised me that way – not so much because of anybody else that I came across or any institution that I ever went to- that has influenced my eventual decisions of life.

I guess the decision is made; it’s just that you have to have the courage to accept it. Giving time to your child is not a cost you pay for fore-going your career, it’s an investment of your time to nurture her life, a life which you decided to give her and she trusted you completely on that. If a mother realises how vital her care is to a young baby ‘it may make it easier for her to decide that the extra satisfaction she might receive from an outside job, is not so important after all’

My dear little girls, truly on the brink of facing the big (bad?) world out there are going to be off to Primary by next year. As much as I want to protect them from the cruelties of growing up, I know I can’t…so my next best choice is to hold their hands and walk them through it as far as I can.

And it only makes me proud of this decision. It’s not a compromise.

THE BIG QUESTION “WILL I BE ABLE TO?”

A baby asked God, “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”

“Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”

The child further inquired, “But tell me, here in heaven I don’t have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.”

God said, “Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel’s love and be very happy.”

“Who will protect me?”

God said, “Your angel will defend you even if it means risking it’s life.”

the child hurriedly asked, “God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”

“You will simply call her, ‘Mom.’”

I had read this story when I was just a child and looked upto my mom for what role she had played in my life. Then, I didn’t know or probably I didn’t realise, that someday I’ll be a mom too………….I’ll be an angel as well and that too to my two cute little girls. Yes, I have Twins- Ananya and Pallavi.

When I came to know I am expecting twins, the big question struck me as well “Will I be able to handle it?” I know I know I have been always passionate about little ones and was quite ardent to have my own. But to know that you’ll soon have double the responsibility dawning on you, you certainly tend to become wary of your own abilities.

They are more than a year now. I can recollect every moment I have spent with them. I have a log of every little milestone, their likes, their dislikes and most importantly how different they are from each other. But honestly, amidst all this, I have never felt, not even once, that I can’t handle them. Its just an anxiety which I suppose every mother confronts at the outset of motherhood.

Yes, its true that having a child is a revolutionary step in your life. Your schedule is suddenly run by their time table, but think about it, do you really care to do anything else beyond them? Their endless gurgles don’t let you concentrate on anything but try sending them to their grandparents for a day, the silence would kill you. Their constant nagging as they eat their lunch gets on to your nerves. But guess what, you’ll soon find yourself sitting again and planning for what they’d like to have for dinner. True, they mess around the house and it’s a pain to keep it clean. But did a spic n span home ever gave you as much pleasure as their charming actions, when they enjoy spilling your lovely sofa? They bring in a significant change in your relationship with your husband but have you and your husband ever felt so complete before they came into your lives?

Just take sometime off and ask yourself. Everything changes from your wardrobe, your room, your married life to even your vocabulary. But so what, this is not the time you wonder about how it will all be done. This is the time, THE time to live every bit of it because you can get all the time in the world to work, to read, to do every little thing that you have always wanted but you WON’T EVER get their first 2 years back when they do so many things the FIRST TIME - When they say their first word, they first roll over, they dance, they take their first step, their first climb, their first sentence.

Once tiny babies would grow too fast and you really can’t do anything to make these moments last. So just stop worrying and start enjoying.

Ask me how proud I felt when I got a call the other day, ‘Can I please speak to Pallavi’s mom? And it only fills my eyes with tears when I ask my elder one my favourite question “Ani, You love Mumma?” and she nods with such an adorable smile saying YES.

When we try to teach Pallavi to say a few new words, I can’t help feeling so elated when she refuses to utter anything except her favourite one - “Mumma”. Even I have called out this word more than a thousand times to my mom but I truly didn’t know what it means to her until now. Frankly, I don’t know if I can be what God has told them but to me they are my Angels, my World.